我只在乎你

置身于国际化大都市的北京，吕波绝对属于养眼美女的那一种高挑欣长的身段，瓜子脸蛋上秀眉弯弯、明眸圆圆，浑身上下透着明艳娇媚、青春无敌的气质。或许正是因为人长得漂亮，吕波和顺应如今时代发展趋势的青春美女一样，选择了做人情人的角色。但吕波又不是凭借长相混饭吃的那种，在她的内心深处，人到中年、事业有成却家有妻儿的周明占据了她整个的情感世界。但尽管如此，这种东躲西藏的日子过起来毕竟如同做贼，让吕波难以接受。为了找一个相对安全的二人世界，周明带着吕波来到一处闲置多年的房子。不巧的是，两个人前脚刚进门，司机小刘就打来电话：妻子来了，而且已经到了楼下。周明慌不择路，倒是吕波正想会会这个绑住自己情人的女人。无奈在周明的苦苦哀求下，吕波只好委身从窗户缘绳而逃。谁曾想，刚出窗户就不慎跌入一独身男子的家中……

我很少看电影，也很少流泪。在看完《罗布奥特曼》之后，了解到美剑的演员木下彩音的另一部中日合拍电影《想见你》（中文译在乎你，但我认为这个译名是神来之笔）。于是在一个月前的某个深夜看了这部电影。在参加完美剑的见面会之后，今晚在参加完学校的活动之后，我在一个人的宿舍里重温了这部电影。第一次看的时候，随着电影的结束也就过去了，可今天全程看的时候，我却根本抑制不住自己的眼泪，甚至现在打字的时候还流着泪。

在中国事业小有所成的著名平面模特设计师袁元在一次展览会上遇到了千里迢迢从日寻她的女孩惠子。惠子的到来却揭开了袁元小姐的一段伤心往事。原来她当年在日本留学的时候，爱上了同班的男孩森岛富哉，毕业以后两人结婚。可是，森岛的家庭却充满了浓厚的封建气息，婆婆在生活方面对袁元处处禁锢，强迫她遵守礼仪、使得她根本无法去继续自己的事业。于是她选择了丢下刚出生的女儿，登上了回家的列车。

她的女儿，便是来找她的女孩惠子。然而惠子此番前来，除了带着对母亲的仰慕之外，还有深深的仇恨。她无法接受母亲当年抛弃她离家出走的选择，于是带来自己的童年记忆，像利刃一般抛到母亲的胸口，随后道别。

袁元再次踏上了列车，回到了她的伤心之地日本。几十年过去，丈夫依然爱她，带她参观了自己的酒厂，品尝了特制的清酒。婆婆展示了女儿成长的见证，似乎也早已释怀了当年的矛盾。然而，本片的高潮却出现在惠子成人礼之前湖边的相遇。她的骤然消失，告诉我们这个女孩根本就不存在，所有的记忆不过是袁元的臆想罢了，早在几十年前，她回中国之前就瞒着家人打掉了孩子，而关于惠子所有的记忆，不过只是袁元几十年来对女儿深深思念和愧疚所酿成的结晶罢了。

说实话，我第一次看这部电影的时候花了不少时间来理解剧情和惠子的来历，这部电影在中国也是褒贬不一。的确，这部电影就拍摄来说存在诸多问题，略显晦涩难懂，导致很多人初次看的时候都没有意识到打掉孩子的真相，或者是把本片的主题理解成了反堕胎，为了保持镜头的美感，采取割裂式分镜头的拍摄手法，导致剧情并不是非常连贯，再比如袁元坠入湖中的那一段，我较为赞同某些影评故弄玄虚的说法。但是，这部电影依然深深打动了我。

电影的镜头是美的，故事和人也依然是“美”的，没有特效的塑造，全然真实的画面下书写了一个不乏残酷的故事。惠子和袁元共赴酒吧的那段我记忆犹新，在爵士乐风格演奏的邓丽君《我只在乎你》中，惠子和袁元的关系被逐渐揭开，母女相拥，亲人相认的温情下，几十年不解和仇恨的种子也开始萌芽，成为了后面惠子和母亲彻底摊牌的前奏。唯美的风情，塑造一个并不美丽的故事，在袁元小姐痛苦的记忆中，亦是有些逼真的虚假吧。

整部电影包含的内容很多，有对于女性的思考，有对于封建思想的批判，人们对于电影主旨的理解也不尽相同。然而在我看来，电影最深刻的地方是出了一个难题，人生中的选择。这个选择可以是事业和家庭的选择，也可以扩展到其他比如学业，甚至往小了说，友情，爱情，等等。然而这些选择却有一个共同点，那就是有得，必有失。电影中袁元小姐的选择对她而言可能是正确的，然而无法挽回的伤痛亦是不可避免的。对女儿和家庭的愧疚成了她几十年来的梦魇，设想一下，如果袁元成为了一名普通的日本家庭主妇，抚养女儿长大，她会后悔吗？当然会，她会终生悔恨于彻底失去自己刚刚起步却胎死腹中的理想，会悔恨与自己当年因为妥协而终生碌碌无为。

我曾有一个问题，为什么袁元小姐要选择打掉孩子而不是生下来再走呢？我想答案正是她臆想出来的幻觉吧。她对家庭和姥姥积怨已久，通过堕胎表达了她对姥姥压迫，丈夫无能的彻底抗拒。这种抗争最终也成了击溃她的双刃剑，她对这个家仍有感情。在她的幻想中，女儿继承了他的事业，丈夫仍和他品尝清酒，姥姥也对当年的事释怀了。然而现实呢？姥姥我无法知晓，女儿根本就不存在，丈夫或许还爱她，但至少永远不会去原谅她当年的背叛和抛弃吧。

《想见你》这个标题，三个字，字字珠玑。母亲或许不是电影最重要的主题，但世间有哪些思念胜过作为一名母亲的思念呢？电影的最后，是惠子的成人礼，这个镜头我只要想到就会流泪。惠子对来看她的母亲露出了久违的笑容，她仍然想着并且爱着母亲。电影的最后，袁元坐上回中国的列车，背后惠子飞奔而来。她可能会释怀当年堕胎的行为，可能仍然会坚持当年的决定，但是也仍然会继续着自己对惠子虚幻的思念吧。我想，我之所以流眼泪，可能是我真的能够理解袁元作为母亲的悲伤，不愿意去相信惠子不存在的事实，多么希望这份五味杂陈的感情是真实的啊！

今天差不多流了过去一年的眼泪。夜深了，也该睡了。

8月14日凌晨1点

【During the time of tears】a short comment of Kinoshita Ayane’s movie 《Wish you were here》（逢いたい)

I seldom watch movies,seldom cries.After watching ultraman R/B，I knew the movie which was played by Ayane Kinoshita.I enjoyed it a month ago，After attending Ayane‘s visiting party on Aug 10，I watched this movie again in my dormitory.However，I totally couldn’t control my tears during the movie，until now.

A Chinese famous designer named Yuanyuan came after Keiko，a japanese girl who intended to visit her from japan.Her visiting opened Yuanyuan‘s sad story.In her youth，her married with a japanese boy after graduation，but his family was filled with air of feudalism.Her grandma required her and forced her to obey some manners that she could not realize her dreams.Finally her abandoned her girl then came back to China.

Keiko was her daughter.However，Keiko brings both admiration to her mother and hatred to her.She could not accept the fact that her mother abandoned her so her changed her memories from childhood swords to hurt her mother，then she leaved.

Yuanyuan got on the train to Japan again.After years，his husband still loved her that sipped sake with her，even her grandma understood her choice years ago.But the change came when they met beside the lake.Keiko disappeared suddenly，all of the story were Yuanyuan’s imaganation.The memories of Keiko are only the crystal of her guilt to Keiko these years.Keiko never exists.

To tell the truth，I spent much time to understand this movie thoroughly，about Keiko.This movie‘s comment divide in China.There is no denying that this movie has some problems such as difficult to understand so many chinese viewers didn’t know what this movie want to say or connect this movie to induced abortion.Or the part that Yuanyuan falled down into the lake seems fake.However this movie still moves me a lot.

The surroundings and people of the movie are beatuiful but it tells a cruel story.The part that Yuanyuan went to the bar with Keiko sticks in my memory.In the BGM adapted by Denglijun’s song，The relationship between Keiko and Yuanyuan becomed obviously.Mother and daughter embraced，Under the warm picture hatred grows that inferred the contradiction between Keiko and Yuanyuan.The beatuiful view builds a sad story，maybe it was a false existed in Yuanyuan’s memory.

The whole movie includes a lot such as thoughts about woman or criticize to feudalism.But in my mind，the main meaning of the movie is that it asks a question about choices in our life.These choices include Future，Family，even Study or Love.But regardless of these，these choice brings what you gain or lose.Yuanyuan’s choice in the movie was probably right，but hurt to her daughter and family was unavoidable.Please think that if she chose to be an average jalanese housewife to raise her daughter，Would she be guilty？Yes. She would be guilty with the dream that broke after both or mediocrity due to her compromise.

I had a problem.Why Yuanyuan chose to make an abortion instead of giving the girl life before leaving？Maybe she used this way to convey her hatred to her family.But it was a two-blades sword which defeated her.She still had love to her family.In her mind her daughter carried on her work，her husband enjoyed the sake with her，her grandma forgave her.But what is the fact？Keiko never exists，we didn’t know her grandma’s attitude.Her husband maybe still loved her but he could not forgive her betray.

【Wish you were here】（逢いたい）is beatuiful.Maybe mother isn’t the only meaning of the movie but what beyond the missing from a mother？The last part of the movie is Keiko’s ceremony to be an adult.（Writing this part makes me cry again now）Keiko smiled to her mother，her still missed and loved her mother.Finally Yuanyuan got on the train to China，Keiko followed with running.Maybe Yuanyuan can forgive and release herself later，but she will still miss Keiko，the imagination.This movie makes me cry because that I understood the sadness of Yuanyuan，a mother.I could not accept the fact that Keiko never existed and wish this complex feeling real.

Today I cry the same time as the whole last year.Deep night is coming，it’s time to sleep

1 AM Aug 14